Monthly Archive

My poor kitty lost his manhood today. And now he’s spending the night at the vet’s. I miss him! And I’m sad/mad that he’s staying the night there to “make sure he doesn’t get a fever, and his sutures are okay” (like I’m sure someone is staying overnight at the Animal Hospital?! Whatever!) - when he could be here with me to take care of him! Poor kitty. I keep imagining him meowing into the darkness wondering where I am.

I know. I am pathetic and also depressing. And I want my kitty back!

I go home for lunch. And I usually watch the last 10 or so minutes of the news, and the first 10 or so minutes of Who Wants to be a Millionaire while I’m there. Yesterday one of the questions on Millionaire was something like:

Which natural disaster thingy below was not the subject of a top 40 song?
A) Heat Wave B) Hurricane
C) Tornado D) Landslide

I was thinking D. In my head I could hear “It’s like a HEAT WAVE! Burning in my heart!” and also “Here I am! Dun-nuh, Duh-nuh! Rock you like a HURRICANE!” But I couldn’t place the tornado or landslide songs… and landslide just seemed less likely. Luckily the guy actually playing knew there was a landslide song (but somehow not the other two! He used his 50/50. Sigh.), and it turns out there hasn’t been a top 40 song about a tornado.

So of course I had to write one! One of these days you will hear ME on your radio. And when you do - that guys answer will have been wrong. Because of course my song will be top 40! How could it not be?! This is what I’ve got so far:

I’m a TORNADO, baby!
I’m big and I’m bad and I’m sooo the boss of you!
I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down!
I’m a TORNADO!!!! I’ll wreck your ranch!
Oh what’s that in the sky - a cow! I made your cow go flying by!
WEEEEEE-yeahhhhh!!!! TORNADO!

Yeah. That’s a rock song. Lots of screaming. And at first “your ranch” was “you, bit**!” but Jeff pointed out that I couldn’t say that on the radio, and suggested your ranch. I liked it. It worked with the whole flying cow thing.

So it’s official – I’m destined for fame and fortune.

I have to kill 10 minutes. So I thought I’d post. And this is all that’s coming to mind.

I don’t like husbands that a) don’t listen - and then b) try to fudge their way through conversations about something they didn’t pay attention to instead of just admitting they zoned out. We women? We’re smart. We will figure it out.

I don’t like that Dale is so scared of his own shadow that he woke me up a skillion times last night by jumping on me and shaking in terror - all because the power went out a few times, and the re-setter thingy went CHIRP. By the sixth chirp you’d think he’d have gotten used to it right? Not so much.

I don’t like it when a friend doesn’t tell you about some major and sad event in her life - and then later when you ask an innocent question thats related to this sad thing your foot winds up in your mouth. And you really had no idea. How could you? She didn’t tell you!

I don’t like germs. And I don’t like being picked on when I do one of my weird things that I do to avoid germs. It’s not like I won’t touch doorknobs, or won’t use public restrooms… I just have little quirks regarding things that wind up in my mouth or near my face mostly. That’s not so weird. So there.

I’m sure there’s more, but that took nine minutes, so I am done now!

Happy April! As a lovely spring treat I’ve decided to sign up to post everyday in April! And the theme for this month is “letters”…. Odd, right? But I don’t have to try to use the theme everyday. Just here and there. Like now!

Dear Reader,
This post is my gift to you, for all that we have been through.
You stuck by me through my silence, and when I didn’t quite make sense.
You did all these things, and so to celebrate the dawning of spring, my gift to you is but a mere me sighting. Does it make your heart sing?
Well calm down my friend, for all things come to an end.
Including things that are good, and things you thought never could.
What I’m trying to say, if you read this today, is my dear… you’ve just been played.
Today… it’s April Fool’s Day.

Did you really think I would sign up to post every day when the suns finally started to come out? Sheesh.

Sincerely,
Me

PS I apologize for the crappy poem-age. Thats all I have in me. It’s sad. I know.