There’s No Place Like Home

I am home now. Home is much better, though I got carsick on the way here. And then I got couch sick. But I’m all better now, as far as that kind of sick goes. I am still on a “clear liquids” diet until tomorrow and then I can try little bits of things, but nothing greasy or you know, basically nothing. Just plain things. Tomorrow I go back to the small hospital to get my little drainage bag thingy detached. (You totally wanted to know that.) Then Monday I think I go have my staples checked and see if they can come out. And then I have a follow up with my new regular doctor on Friday. Who is Jeff’s doctor? and was mine when I was a little kid too. Anyway. I don’t know why I am following up with him, I guess just because I’m his new patient and he wants to see me? Anyway. Mom says I have to ask him to schedule me a full physical.

So my doctor this morning was not funny. He was all “any chance you’re pregnant?” And I’m all “no.” And he’s all “… no? That was quick, you’re positive?” And I’m all “well they tested me at the other hospital and it was negative, so yeah. I’m pretty much positive.” And he was all “oh. Well, any chance you might have gotten pregnant since you’ve been here with us?” And I was all “ Not a effing funny doctor. “

Anyway, yes they got my lost stone out. I think they showed me a picture of it, but I don’t really remember. There was a nursing student and she had asked me if it was okay with me if she watched the procedure (which was knocking me out and snaking a camera tube down my throat until they found the stone and then sucking it out), and I was like “yeah that’s fine.” Because, what do I care? I won’t remember her being there or not anyway. So they were wheeling me back afterwards and I was kinda like mostly still out of it. But I remember her asking me if I wanted to see a picture of what they found, and I was like half asleepedly humoring her. I was like “sure, yeah.” So she showed me, and I kind of remember a picture of a yellow ball? I think?

And then I napped most of the day away, sitting up in my bed at the computer. I totally remember trying to email something and going to hit send, spacing out… and then when I finally got to the send button? I had to re-log in because it had been too long. So that’s how you know when you fall asleep. Then when the lady came to tell me I was going to have to stay the night again I was all “What? Why?! They said as long as everything went ok I could go home today. Did everything NOT go okay?” And her tune changed. She was all oh I guess I don’t know, I’ll go find out for sure. And came back to say I could go at 2. Damn right.

My mom warned me of that. She’s all they don’t like to send people home, they don’t make money that way, they need you in their bed to get paid. Tricky Dickies, they are.

So then she came back at 2 to unhook me from my IV and show me how to empty my drainage thingy and stuff, and I asked if she was there that morning and if the girl had shown me a picture or if I dreamed that part. She wasn’t there but she said my lost gall stone was apparently pretty big, and they probably did have a picture of it. So, I’m going to say I did NOT imagine that. Go me! I should have been more awaked when they showed it to me so I coulda been like “email me a copy!” Then I could have showed it off.

Stupid Hospital

Update is today sucked. I really don’t like this hospital and I’m going to send Jeff on a hunt for some comment cards for me before we leave. Which should be at 2:00, if this lady knows what she’s talking about. That’s part of the problem. No one effing knows anything, ever? I can not believe that. I refuse to believe that. And they keep drugging me and making me sleepy. Which sucks. I’m glad for the pain meds, but then when they drug me and make me sleepy they start asking me shit, and I don’t even know what they’re asking me, much less what I’m telling them, so anyway it’s really pissing me off that they won’t speak to me and tell me anything when I’m lucid, and then they expect me to remember shit they said? No effing way. I can’t wait to get the hell out of here.

PS Im tired and still not allowed real food. Though I did just get an upgrade to ginger ale and some saltine crackers.